I Read One Page of Kama Sutra, Because That’s All I Needed

— but not for the reason I’d hope you’d think.

Time To Read: 2 mins | November 14, 2016

I am a very good driver, but if Jeff Gordon showed up and offered to give me free lessons, I wouldn’t say no.

I’ve the same approach to the Kama Sutra. A copy of the ancient Indian text is on the shelf in my Airbnb in Tulum, and despite my confidence in this area – overestimated or otherwise — I’m not going to not check it out.


The problem is, the damn book is thicker than Michael Moore’s midsection (and skull, for that matter).

I only just, at 29-years old, finished The Great Gatsby for the first time, and that wee novel makes regular books look like dictionaries. Compared to the KS, Gatsby is a pamphlet. And I don’t care how interesting the subject matter is – not even coitus is entertaining after a thousand pages.

So instead of a deep dive into the most famous sex instruction manual in human history, I decided to flip to a random early page. And turns out, a few paragraphs were all I needed to find a bit of reason.

Whoever wrote this thing – I’ve no wifi at the moment, so can’t look it up – defined how a ‘citizen’ should conduct oneself. In this context, I’m guessing ‘citizen’ is the equivalent of an upper-middle class Indian male, and not a military servicemen from Starship Troopers.

In the chapter explaining lifestyle, there’s a bit called ‘Drinking Parties’. Which means they had this tradition in ancient Asia, too. And the author’s opinion on the subject seems particularly enlightened:


“Men and women should drink in one another’s houses. And here the men should cause the public women to drink, and should then drink themselves.”

So then, buy the ladies drinks, and then have some yourself. The Jersey Shore wasn’t all that original after all.



photo: outside a restaurant in flores, guatemala. i’ve creatively titled this picture ‘dangly bottles woo!’

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Malcolm Freberg
Malcolm Freberg
American writer living permanently on the road. Believes rye whiskey is superior to bourbon, Belle is the best Disney princess, and that selfie sticks should be snapped in half on sight. Hosted a travel documentary for AOL & played Survivor a few times.

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