The Single Dumbest Question on Earth

Nothing’s ever been dumber.

Time To Read: 2 mins | November 7, 2016

“Did you find everything all right today?”

Every grocery store clerk asks this, and only God and a few misguided regional managers know why. Because what do they expect? “Nope, the butter eluded me, so I’ve given up and am going home. Besides, little Johnny can do without the trans fat.”

Now, because I’m a millennial, I tweet things. The above thought first crossed my mind several years ago, so I put it on Twitter. The retweets and favorites confirmed that I’m not alone thinking this is idiotic, but several grocery story employees angrily informed me that they’re required to ask that question.


Well, no shit — no sane person would willingly ask that of their own accord.

I mention all this because I’ve been making a pretty big assumption of late. I recently moved near a large grocery store in Mexico City, and because I make detailed shopping lists and immediately lose them, I have to visit said store every single day for the two things I forgot yesterday.

And when I get to the front of the line, the checkout person always says, “Hola! Como estas?” (Hello! How are you?) Which even I’m not daft enough to screw up: “Bien, y usted?” (Good, and yourself?)

The next line, however, is somewhat trickier: “Blahbitty blahbitty ramble ramble y yada yada?” (Blahbitty blahbitty ramble ramble and yada yada?).

This has happened three days in a row now. I have no idea what the shit they’re saying, but they’re making eye contact and expecting a response. So, assuming the same rules about ridiculous questions apply south of the border & I’m being asked if I’ve found everything all right, I always responded, “Si” (Yes). But really, they could be asking if I like watching thirteen radioactive chickens dance the Macarena in Pittsburgh Steelers jerseys.

I admit that’s a long shot, but you get my point.


photo: you can’t tell me that doesn’t look like a piss-drunk baby with a sunflower exploding out her chest. mexico city

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Malcolm Freberg
Malcolm Freberg
American writer living permanently on the road. Believes rye whiskey is superior to bourbon, Belle is the best Disney princess, and that selfie sticks should be snapped in half on sight. Hosted a travel documentary for AOL & played Survivor a few times.

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